Homesickness is always a tough emotion to tackle, especially for those who haven’t been homesick before. By the time I’m writing this, I’ve been away from home for three years and four months. After my first year working in the Netherlands, I knew I wanted to go back home to see my family and friends. I didn’t need a vacation to another beautiful city in Europe. I desperately needed to be with my loved ones. Just a few months before I went home, the world-infamous coronavirus pandemic struck, making it impossible for me to go home, although, at the time, covid had not spread to my country yet. However, if I had gone back then, due to the two weeks quarantine requirements for a person coming from abroad, I would have to spend most of my time in quarantine and less time with my family, which would have been a bad situation for me. So I decided to wait until covid slowed down and restrictions became relaxed.
The most challenging time of my life came when I got covid and had to work from home. If I had to choose between going to hell and working from home, I would go to hell. During the 10-month-long period of working from home, I suffered severe anxiety and fell into depression. As comfortable as it may seem, working from home is a nightmare for someone with an anxiety disorder. I did not know I had a generalized anxiety disorder(GAD) until I consulted with a psychotherapist. That would probably be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made: reaching a mental health professional for help when I’m almost on the verge of ending my life. My mom still doesn’t know I had a consultation with a psychotherapist for my anxiety and depression. By the time the covid slowed down after a year of several lockdowns and restrictions, I had almost recovered from anxiety and depression. So I thought it might be a good time to take extended leaves to go home. But, unexpectedly, a military coup happened in my country; the whole country went out of protest, the military forces brutally cracked down on the people who were peacefully protesting, chaos ensued, and thousands of innocent people, including women and children, died; revolution began, civil wars broke out, making my country highly unsafe to return. Then I’m stuck here again for I don’t know how long.
My significant other, whom I adored so much, couldn’t make time for me when I needed her the most. My close friends are not available to chat all the time. Due to the nearly six hours time difference between Myanmar and Netherlands, a simple phone call has to be arranged, like a two weeks vacation to Paris. As time went by, I became more lonely and homesick. I suppose the best cure for homesickness is feeling loved and not alone. I may be in the city of lights, but I’m still homesick.
Tough to admit, but I can always escape being lonely when I know someone cares.
Waiting here to go home soon…